"I was fired today. But wait, there's more! Coming home early, I caught my girlfriend and now-former best friend cheating on me... and filming it... in my bed. Turns out, they've been doing this for a while. Yeah."
"I don't normally harass complete strangers, let alone pour my heart out to them. I'm probably still in shock. Not responsible for my actions, and all that."
"Luckily, she doesn't care that I'm using one name to have my prescription filled, and an entirely different one to pick it up."
"I've been told a toilet flushes in the opposite direction in Australia. My life can go down the drain in the opposite direction!"
"Wanna see something?"
"Not especially, no."
"He drops out of line altogether to get away from me. Chicken. He is walking very fast, looking over his shoulder. Now he is running. And now he is being tackled by security guards. Poor guy."
"So, who are you with? CIA? NSA?"
"You think you rate a visit from one of them?"
"IRS? TSA? NBA?"
"Oh-oh here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll blow you up!"
"You're going to shoot me now!?"
"It would make things a lot easier."
"It was not a suggestion!"
"These guys would crap their pants if they had an actual terrorist to deal with."
"Kuala Lumpur!? Are there a lot of koala bears?"
"So we blow them up? How does that help?"
"What? You don't like umbrella drinks?"
"My girlfriends are always female."
"There are an awful lot of monkeys around here."
"Am I in the middle of a bad dream or something?"
"If I seem flippant, that's just how I cope. You either laugh or you cry. You apparently start referring to yourself in the second person, too."
"I'm a trusting person. I just took my doctor's word for it."
"I try to be cool. I now know something about being an outsider. Nothing like what s/he must feel, but I can commiserate."
"Do I look like a shoplifter?"
"From now on, call me Alex... no... Axel. Yeah, Axel McLean. I like the sound of that. How about Axel Winchester McLean? Ooh, good one."
"You sound like a car wash for heavy machinery."
"I wave goodbye. He flips me off. I nod and smile. It's good to make friends, meet new people."
"Life! It's a smorgasbord! It's all there for the taking!"
"Do you fly to Malaysia?"
"No, but Malaysian Air at the next window does."
"You look different somehow. New haircut? Gain weight?"