WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES (contact me here)

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The Lazy Pug Cafe

The Lazy Pug Café was a dilapi­dated old farm­house aban­doned years ago. A massive, ancient oak tree, Ol' Lightnin', lurked out back while the house itself served as a sad but char­m­ing re­minder of days gone by. Locals were grate­ful someone was final­ly bring­ing the old girl back to life. Come meet pugs Daisy, Chandler and Joey! There are cats and humans, too, but it's all about the pugs! Pugs rule!   Click Here For A Brief Audio

Here's a sample...

Hope humored Kirk on several of his ideas, but had to say no to the bucking bronc and rider sculpture out front, with the bronc being a larger-than-life Pug and the rider being a similarly over-sized flea. One bit of exterior décor he was allowed to contribute was a sign hand-written in red, like blood, hanging from the side yard fence:

"Beware of Pugs!"

From behind that sign, the Pugs watched intently between the slats in the fence and wondered, "What is Dad up to? And, why weren't we invited? Whatever he's doing, we can help!"

Cars began to pull into the parking lot, and people were getting out. "What in the world!? Dad's in trouble!" He obviously needed the Pugs to bark as loud as possible!

It started with a short, low, menacing growl, followed by a bark, then a howl. A hoarse, asthmatic second Pug then joined in. Finally, a tenor blended his voice beautifully, barking and howling, as the Pugs Daisy, Chandler and Joey – in that order – performed a capella for anyone who cared to listen.

Or, get it here or here

Another Way

Beyond the Status Quo

Anti-corp­orate crusader Dobie Pokorny wants to save the world from oligarchs like Colonel Charon­ne.  On his speaking-truth-to-power tour, he meets and falls in love with Kaylie while enduring attacks at every turn.  They each think the other is out of their league, but there's a con­nection between them.  They both feel it, but can they outrun and outwit Charon­ne and his minions?  And, what's up with Semmy, the little blue alien?   Click Here For A Brief Audio

REVIEW: "I can wholeheartedly say I have never read a book quite like this, at all. It's a zany tale with warm, wholehearted moments as well as satirical humor and a sharp bite. I loved witnessing the adventures of our flawed protagonist, Dobie, and his jaded but goodwilled heroine, Kaylie. Watching their love unfold amidst chaos was fulfilling, and I thought you weaved in the two characters' backstories into the central plot nicely." -- Caroline

REVIEW: "It's hard to describe, a concoction of fiction and genre that reminded me of Thomas Pynchon, Jennifer Egan, Richard Farina, Douglas Adams, and Donald Antrim. What they all have in common is a kind of manic, comic energy married to big ideas and serious intent. What I've read so far of Another Way gave me the same feeling, and I was really entertained. It's not easy to do what you're doing here: to make the absurdities, silliness, and tragedies of life into comedy. And, of course, the voice of Semmy [and his] wide-eyed interest in humanity, is both weird and real. I liked this a lot. Bravo!" -- Duncan

Here's a sample...

Dobie Pokorny was on tour in support of his manifesto, Another Way: Beyond the Status Quo. He started in Tennessee, then headed north through Kentucky and Indiana before escaping an angry mob and veering southwest. After stops in Missouri, Oklahoma and Texas, things got weird in New Mexico.

Or, get it here or here

Last Train Out

Clay and his adopted daught­er Jenna look forward to their up­coming "home­land tour" to Russia. His intent­ions are pure. Hers, not so much. When she goes mis­s­ing, he goes looking, only to find she is not the innocent little girl he thought she was. Not even close. His only hope is to get her on the Last Train Out.   Click Here For A Brief Audio

REVIEW: "Learned a lot about Russia!" -- Don

REVIEW: "Last Train Out is very fast-paced, with lots of twists and turns. The protagonist, Clay, uses a lot of self-deprecating humor. A fun read overall." -- Lucy

REVIEW: "I like to read stories set in places I haven't been before, and since this one was set in Russia, it fit the bill in that regard. The story is fast paced and well written, with a credible plot. The author injects a fair amount of humor into the story, even when the protagonist is in a terrible fix. I found it best to read in a few days, in order to keep all the characters straight." -- Greg

REVIEW: "I enjoyed this book very much. It kept me guessing. My friend is reading it now and she says she likes it too." -- Jeannie

Here's a sample...
Zenya was two-and-a-half when two very strange people came to visit her orphanage. They talked funny, as if almost able to speak properly, but with such horrible accents it was difficult to understand them. She assumed they were stupid. Gloopy, in Russian. They were there to see her, though – just her! – so she let it go.

She was devastated when they stopped coming after just one week. It was not fair! They had been coming every day, and she had bows in her hair and wore a pretty dress every time! She thought they were The Ones! Guess not.

After a couple months – forever at that age – the memory of her visitors faded as that infamous Russian winter approached and she blended back into daily life at Dome Rebyenka (Baby Home) No. 1 on the outskirts of town. Someday, she knew, she would have her very own grown-ups to take care of her. She just knew it! They needed to hurry up, though.

Or, get it here or here

Operation Detour

A beautiful young black ops agent on her first assign­ment tries to turn a complete stranger into an asset, just to prove she can. When he loses both his job and girl­friend, she thinks he's putty in her hands. When he decides to go out with a bang, she's afraid she's over­played it.   Click Here For A Brief Audio

Here's a sample...

Riva's gray eyes reach out and grab anyone careless enough to look directly at her. Her flawless skin glows in contrast to her long black hair. She knows the effect she has on men and is not afraid to use it... most days.

Not today. Her hair is a tangled mess, eyes bloodshot, skin a sickly pallor from whatever ailment has befallen her as she holes up in a 4-star high-rise hotel on LA's west side. She hates waiting on anyone or anything, but is now awaiting the arrival of her boss and mentor, Serge. The fact that she might be coming down with something only makes it worse.

She is in the downward-facing dog position, doing her evening yoga, when she gets the feeling she is not alone. Someone is in the room with her.

Or, get it here or here

Lottery President

For most people, win­ning $300 mil­lion in the lottery would be enough. They would retire, buy a big house and travel the world. Not Benny. He took the money and ran... for presi­dent. The house he had in mind was the White House. He didn't want to travel the world so much as save it from politicians. Retire? "I'll retire when I'm dead!" he said, not know­ing so many people had that exact retire­ment plan in mind for him.   Click Here For A Brief Audio

REVIEW: "A humorous, sarcastic and irreverent short story about an improbable candidate for the presidency of the United States. Rather bizarre ending." -- Larry

REVIEW: "This is a quick read, and it's amusing enough to capture your interest. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to while away a half-hour." -- anonymous

REVIEW: "I seriously loved this book. I read it about 2 years ago, I think. There was one part that was so funny, at least to me on that day, I could not stop laughing. I completely lost it. My daughter actually caught that on her iPod and I think the author was able to use it somehow to promote it. Now I am about to read the author's next book, 'Last Train Out.' It's been sitting patiently on my shelf while I finally finished another book." -- Doug

Here's a sample...

Benny sat alone in a recently-opened, generically-Asian restaurant. The laminated menu offered dishes from Mongolia, China and Japan, with each item written in its native language and alphabet. He had no idea what it said until flipping it over for the English version on the back.

He was taking his therapist's advice, "throwing caution to the wind" and "letting the chips fall where they may." A sex therapist branching out to grief counseling, she was all about the clichés.

Or, get it here or here

Temporary Insanity

Long before win­ning the lottery and run­ning for presi­dent, Benny was living in L.A. work­ing as a word pro­ces­sing temp. He thought his latest assign­ment was just another gig, never antici­pating Venelia and the Dynamos. The what?   Click Here For A Brief Audio

Here's a sample...

Benny was on the elevator of a building he'd never been in before. It was climbing fast. Too fast. "It didn't stop on those floors," he said, looking at the still-lit numbers as it sped upward.

When no one replied, he looked to see if anyone heard him. Apparently not.

To his right stood an attractive blonde woman, thirtyish, in a blue blazer, matching skirt and white silk blouse. Seeing the crazed look in his eyes, she turned away and clutched her purse with both hands.

To his left stood a young couple. The woman's long black hair hung down over most of her face. She seemed intent on avoiding eye contact. Her heavily-muscled friend met Benny’s gaze with a silent glare.

Benny returned his attention to the elevator control panel. He was the only one concerned or even aware the elevator was not stopping on their floors. What is with these people? he thought. He hadn't pushed all those buttons. Didn't they?

The elevator continued upward with increasing speed. A knot formed in the pit of his stomach. It's going too fast! They were just a few floors below Benny's, and the knot in his stomach cinched tighter and tighter. Get it here.


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