WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES (contact me here)

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Some really old short stories, in no particular order

The Leaky Weekly

The Leaky Weekly's motto used to be: "It's Not Just A Newspaper, It's A Piece Of Us." This was quickly perverted by the locals into: "It's not just a newspaper, it's a piece of ass." So the motto was changed to: "It's Not Just A Newspaper, It's A Family Newsletter." An... [click here or on the title for the rest]


WARNING: Rated "R" for language Gilmore "Gil" Coleman and his wife Marlene (née Coleman) -- no relation, as far as he knew -- lived in a tiny little trailer in a tiny little trailer park in Dumont, Oklahoma.Theirs was at the entrance.His wife hated that.It made her ... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Kangaroos Attacked Me

by Greg* - [* not really]

There I was in Long Beach, California, having lunch down along the docks like I always do. It was a cool Autumn day, early November. I was watching the ships roll in... then I'd watch 'em roll away again. Whoa-wo sittin' on the dock of the bay...

Sorry. ... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Remmy Gets Gas

Remmy pulled into the gas station and jumped out of his pickup. He went to the rear of the truck, checked his reflection in the camper shell window, smiled, and slid the gas nozzle into the tank.

He left the pump on automatic and wandered over to a soda machine sitting next to the cashier'... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Lunch At Jack-In-The-Box

Driving around town the other day, I somehow ended up in Hollywood. I don't get to Hollywood much anymore and don't usually find myself missing it. But it was a beautiful day. And seeing all the quaint shops - each striving for uniqueness - and the many people on the street - each strivin... [click here or on the title for the rest]

The Elevator

Tim had just caught the elevator to the top floor, the eighth. Along for the ride was a thirty-something woman he'd never met. When she pressed "2," Tim gave her a dirty look from behind.

"Seriously?" he's thinking. "You're going up one stinkin' floor and you can't just take ... [click here or on the title for the rest]

A Day At The Fair

I pulled into Angel's Camp around noon. I was supposed to be meeting my brother Don and his wife Diane there ... somewhere. We hadn't actually decided on a meeting place. That would have been too easy.

I drove south on the main street through town (probably Main Street, though I'm ... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Lipstick & WD-40

Sandi strolled out of the motel room wearing her tight spandex pants, high-heeled shoes and a simple peasant blouse. She had just turned another trick and she wanted to vomit. This was not a reaction to just the one trick, but from the life she had been leading these past several months. Being pa... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Devastating Earthquake Rocks Southland

A powerful earthquake measuring 8.3 on the Richter Scale brought Southern California to its knees just before dawn yesterday. Hundreds of buildings in the greater Los Angeles area were completely destroyed, dozens more rendered uninhabitable. L.A.'s newly-completed MetroRail subway system col... [click here or on the title for the rest]

So Much For Sacrificial Rites

The High Priest announced, "We must sacrifice a human life tonight." The crowd of Mibuku natives milling around the fire immediately tensed and fell silent. Suddenly, the High Priest pointed his holy finger at a lowly servant fanning the Queen. The servant shrieked.

Royal guards descended from... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Murder Or Just An Honest Mistake

[The following story is rated PG. You figure it out.]

Madison Ripley Smith was sitting at his desk with his feet propped up when she walked in. Long legs, hourglass shape, luxurious jet-black hair, and matching jet-black eyes.

"What's with the black eyes," Smith asked.

"Oh! ... [click here or on the title for the rest]

One Of Those Nights

It was late. Claude couldn't sleep. He decided to walk to the corner liquor store for munchies and beer.

As he entered the store, he noticed a girl at the phone-booth by the door. She smiled a curious smile and Claude smiled back uncertainly, then proceeded into the store. Grabbing the thi... [click here or on the title for the rest]


In the vast expanse of Llycete Spaceport's docking yard on this below-freezing winter morning, the Mraclys, a small ship badly in need of a paint job, stood apart from the other ships, mostly because it was so ugly. Green on top, orange on the bottom, with brown patches everywhere, it looked ... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Dinko Goes Shopping

There once was a cat named Dinko who loved food more than anything else in the world. Of course, when you're a cat, food is probably the single most important thing in the world; so none of this should come as any great shock.

Sure, being cuddled and petted and sitting on the laps of his o... [click here or on the title for the rest]

Aliens Spoke To Me

I just started driving. I don't know why.

I left my house around noon. I'd had enough football on t.v. and just felt like getting out. When I hopped into my truck I had no idea where I might go. East, I thought. To the desert, maybe. "See the desert," I said to myself.

To the dese... [click here or on the title for the rest]

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