WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES

Random snippet from Last Train Out {refresh page for more)

She now wonders if he had anything to do with Jenna's disappearance. It is suspicious how he just happened to be out of town when Jenna went missing.

Dub's Dilemma

That's when the conspiracy theories began. What happened to Tim was no accident, they said. And by "they" I mean Tim.

They're not openly called hit men, but they designate a few of their security team as proactive and, voilà, you've got yourself a hit team. I assumed LeHavre's whistleblower number was that team's direct line. Their only question would be, "Where are you right now?"

Miss Jessica touched my arm. Caressed it, really, when she said, "I was joking, Dub, but you can take the company jet. It has better snacks." She puffed out her chest as she said it. Was she offering those as a snack?

People like me can't up and quit. We have bills to pay. Until I win the lottery, I have to deal with whatever life throws at me. Only the wealthy can afford to be irresponsible.

"Good news, bad news, Dub. Which one do you want to hear first?"
"Bad news first, always."

Something felt off, and it must've shown on my face. Brice and Harold exchanged a glance. On cue, two huge, armed guards then appeared behind us. Stealthy suckers. Grim. Unsmiling.

Darla grabbed the remote and turned [the TV] off, breaking its spell over me. I wanted to know what happened to that poor man, but when she pulled me into her bedroom and began to strip, I didn't complain about this latest plot twist.

"We're US Marshals," Brad dead-panned. "We're always serious."

The Lazy Pug Cafe

Welcome to the Lazy Pug Café!
Where the Past meets the Future
In other words, the Present

Ol' Lightnin' could not have cared less about beautiful scenery. He was convinced that tractor attracted lightning. It's a menace! "It's not a tree's purpose in life to stand around being picturesque," it said to no one but two squirrels and a colony of ants making their way up its trunk. "Not this tree, at least. Maybe that weeping willow up front, or some of my old friends who were so ruthlessly cut down in their prime when this place was built, but a mighty oak like me, a real tree's purpose is to... uh... is to... um... what was I saying? Oh yeah, a tree's purpose is to sink its roots as deep into the ground as possible, take hold of the Earth, and keep it from going anywhere!"

He had never heard a tree talk before, either; he just took everything in stride. That was how he rolled. He was one cool pug. His adopted name was Chandler, which was better than Pumba. Being named after the warthog from The Lion King never sat well with him. He should have been a Clint or Luke or maybe Elvis. Yeah, Elvis! He did have black hair and was from Memphis, after all.

Pugs were like that. They could go from lazy to ecstatic in 0.2 seconds.

Another Way

Bucky was holding up an advance copy of Dobie's book, asking, "What the hell is this?"
"My manifesto," Dobie replied, as if everyone writes one. He reached out and touched the book, "See? Right here on the cover underneath the title, it says 'A Manifesto.'"
"Well, it sucks! Put in some jokes!"

The book laid out who and/or what was running things on this planet. He tried to focus on the who over the what, but there were times he had to wonder if there was not something out there, unseen, manipulating things.

He could see the rage in her eyes. When her friend stood to join her, Dobie felt like an eight-point buck stalked by a couple of hungry mountain lions. He didn't want to make any sudden moves but looked around for the nearest security guard.

His friend Bucky was in the car at the time and wanted to know, "You always take advice from billboards?"

Last Train Out

Standing behind Cheval, Pamela shouts, "Don't shoot him! Not fatally, anyway." She moves to place a hand on the detective's shoulder, then stops for fear that he might pull the trigger.

She now wonders if he had anything to do with Jenna's disappearance. It is suspicious how he just happened to be out of town when Jenna went missing.

She stares blankly. The corners of her mouth come down briefly before she forces the smile back into place. Jenna takes pity and explains with a laugh, "My father is trying to be funny."

He is waving and smiling at his precious child when the unthinkable happens. At the far end of the hallway near her, there is a massive explosion. The last image he has of her – before the entire space fills with black smoke – she is throwing her arms up to cover her face, then crumpling to the floor.

A week from now, he will wish he never opened that door.

"Well, da!" he says, as if it's a given, then wonders if "da!" is where Americans got the word "duh!"

Operation Detour

I start singing.

Oh-oh here she comes
Watch out boy, she'll blow you up
Oh-oh here she comes
She's a man-eater

"Your roommate is a drug-dealing gay gigolo!" the woman says. "What did you expect?"

There is an awkward silence. When I catch myself looking deep into her eyes, being pulled in like a magnet, I break the spell by asking, "So, who are you with, really?"

Next thing I know, I am being handcuffed by the woman officer. "Ooh, handcuffs. Kinky. You will have to excuse us, folks. We're gonna need some privacy."

Lottery President

Benny's eyes went from the TV to the ticket as he read each number. He could not believe it. His ticket matched every number. Not the usual one or two... or none. All of them matched, including the bonus number.

"I think I won the lottery, Jim. I just need to go down to their office and make sure before I say, 'So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye!'" he sang the words from The Sound of Music.

He was uncomfortable leaving without his ticket or winnings, but that's how it worked. On his way out, the director smiled and advised, "Drive carefully, Mr. Reed. We don't want anything to happen to you before you collect your winnings!"

Benny rolled his eyes. His geriatric father in an old folks' home was telling him to lighten up and get a life. Great.

"President?" the governor gave a derisive smile. "Of what? Your homeowners association?"

"So, you won the lottery," Toby said as casually as he could manage.
"How'd you know?"
"You just told me!" Toby squealed. "Besides, I saw you there. How much?"
"What were you doing there?"
"I... uh... had a thing. So, how much did you win?"

Temporary Insanity

There was something menacing in her tone. A certain crazed look in her eyes. She frightened him. But then, most women did. He knew he'd better just do as she said.

Once home from work, Benny heated up a can of beef stew for dinner and scarfed it down. Flipping the TV on, he came upon a show called The Love Connection. It was a popular, if insipid, little Dating Game-type show he almost never watched. Instinctively, he flipped past it, only to return half a second later after catching a glimpse of a woman who looked just like his ex-wife.

He cleared his throat and repeated himself, being sure to enunciate. The young woman shuffled and clipped a few more papers, for good measure, then looked up to see who she was ignoring.

Poking her head out the door, she said, "Thanks again for last night. Maybe I will see you later."
She tossed him what looked like a rock. Benny caught it and looked at it. It wasn't a rock. It was a live hand grenade...

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