WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES


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A random sample of dialogue from my work (refresh the page for a new sample)

"People have said I have authority issues, and I'm okay with that, though I'd argue it's more of a short-sighted-idiots-in-power issue. We should all have such issues!"
-- Another Way
"This section of the Milky Way was originally designed as a negative counterbalance to the galaxy's otherwise positive nature. A cosmic septic tank, if you will. That's why it's so hard to get anything done around here. It's like slogging through knee-deep sewer mud! Only those with the best hip-waders make any real progress."
-- Another Way
"At the very least, get this Dobie - Pokorny, is it? - talking about something other than capitalism and conspiracy theories!"
-- Another Way
"Your date's, um, salad dressing shouldn't have anything in it she's never swallowed before."
-- Another Way
"I don't mean to be rude. I just... can't take my eyes off her. She's so familiar, but I don't know from where..."
"Your dreams?"
"Yes... actually."
-- Another Way
"I should've known you were too good to be true!"
-- Another Way
"Are you being held against your will, ma'am?"
-- Another Way
"Being a leader is not my thing. Other than by example, I'm against leadership. It requires followers, and I despise followers."
-- Another Way
"I'd forgotten all about them. What are they doing up this way? Think they figured out where...?"
"Who knows? Just keep driving!"
-- Another Way
"Do they give you flashbacks to the war, or something?"
"What war?"
"I don't know, the war. There's always a war."
-- Last Train Out
"'Violence, when done properly, is a work of art' — Dmitry Shepkin."
-- Last Train Out
"What are you doing?!"
"Aw, mom! Just let me finish the job! Those are the rules!"
"Those are not the rules."
-- Last Train Out
"I don't know who's worse, Democrats or Republicans. They're two sides of the same coin, if you ask me. I don't subscribe to the left-right dichotomy promulgated by the mainstream corporate media. It's all part of their 'divide and conquer' mentality."
-- Lottery President
"I'm not that smart. These other candidates just make me look good by comparison. Anyway, someone smarter than me would never run for president."
-- Lottery President
"Overthrowing dictators, or any government, doesn't have to be done militarily."
-- Lottery President
"You've been appointed president of the United States!"
"Since when is the President of the United States an 'appointed' position?"
"Since 2000, at least."
-- Lottery President
"The main problem with this country is that it is run by politicians. They start out as lawyers, find that unfulfilling, and turn to politics. We need real people in positions of power, no more elites."
-- Lottery President
"Am I in the middle of a bad dream or something?"
-- Operation Detour
"I don't normally harass complete strangers, let alone pour my heart out to them. I'm probably still in shock. Not responsible for my actions, and all that."
-- Operation Detour
"The meaning of life is... yours to give."
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe

The Lazy Pug Cafe -- As recently as a few months ago, the Lazy Pug Café was nothing more than a dilapidated old two-story farmhouse. Set back just forty yards from the road – closer than most out in the country – it had a beautiful old weeping willow in front and a massive ancient oak tree out back. Abandoned years ago, the old estate's only purpose lately had been to serve as a sad but charming reminder of days gone by. Locals witnessing its resurrection these past few months were grateful someone was finally bringing the "old girl" back to life.