WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES


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A random sample of dialogue from my work (refresh the page for a new sample)

"Funny how the threat of lost love puts politics into proper perspective."
-- Another Way
"I don't mean to be rude. I just... can't take my eyes off her. She's so familiar, but I don't know from where..."
"Your dreams?"
"Yes... actually."
-- Another Way
"If you're not at least a little bit of a conspiracy theorist these days, you're just not paying attention."
-- Another Way
"She's just using you, dude. That's what she does."
-- Another Way
"I laugh when employment ads say they require a college degree for jobs that I know from experience do not require a degree. Half a brain, sure. College degree? No. And half of them don't even say exactly which degree is required. They just want proof you were gullible enough to invest four years of your life in The System and accumulate enough student debt to make yourself a virtual indentured servant!"
-- Another Way
"The Bible, on the other hand... creates more questions than answers. I recommend everyone become familiar with it but also recommend reading software license agreements, and no one ever does. At least those can be used in a court of law. The Bible cannot. But don't tell that to settlers using it to justify the theft of other people's land!"
-- Another Way
"Wait, you received a text? And an email before that? I thought you were allergic or something."
-- Another Way
"Remember Colonel Charonne? He's got a thing for you. Hates you. Keeps going on about 'stamping out The Red Menace' or some such. I've seen it before. You need to go away if you know what's good for you."
-- Another Way
"We've been in town five minutes, and you've already got boys knocking on our door?"
-- Last Train Out
"Your husband can go to the authorities and have them find your daughter just as easily as you can."
"There are no proper authorities! It's Russia! Everyone is completely corrupt!"
-- Last Train Out
"This country needs someone secure enough in his own mental stability to not be afraid of 'crazy' ideas. All the best ideas started out as 'crazy.'"
-- Lottery President
"Zip up your pants! That is not going to be the last thing I see before I die!"
-- Lottery President
"Wanna see something?"
"Not especially, no."
-- Operation Detour
"Yes, we are now part of a multinational corporation but have not yet been integrated into the payroll system. Frankly, I doubt our being paid is of much concern to our new bosses."
-- Operation Detour
"I'm going to blow up the building."
"Yeah, I heard.'"
-- Temporary Insanity
"All dishes licked clean by pugs! And run through the dishwasher, too!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe
"With that sort of upbringing, a pug just learns to roll with the punches!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe
"Hey, you pugs! You don't need to water me! Especially with that!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe
"Babies and pugs get along great! In some cultures, we're considered good luck!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe
"Dad must be losing it. This dog doesn't look anything like Chandler!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe

The Lazy Pug Cafe -- As recently as a few months ago, the Lazy Pug Café was nothing more than a dilapidated old two-story farmhouse. Set back just forty yards from the road – closer than most out in the country – it had a beautiful old weeping willow in front and a massive ancient oak tree out back. Abandoned years ago, the old estate's only purpose lately had been to serve as a sad but charming reminder of days gone by. Locals witnessing its resurrection these past few months were grateful someone was finally bringing the "old girl" back to life.