WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES


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A random sample of dialogue from my work (refresh the page for a new sample)

"I laugh when employment ads say they require a college degree for jobs that I know from experience do not require a degree. Half a brain, sure. College degree? No. And half of them don't even say exactly which degree is required. They just want proof you were gullible enough to invest four years of your life in The System and accumulate enough student debt to make yourself a virtual indentured servant!"
-- Another Way
"I should've known you were too good to be true!"
-- Another Way
"What passes for intelligence, like with these scientists, often turns out to be nothing more than arrogance and delusion masquerading as higher IQ. The little mishap with the solar system can stand as Exhibit A."
-- Another Way
"Don't be scared when you feel you are about to die. You're not frightened when you wake up in the morning, are you? Pretty much the same thing. 'Life is but a dream!'"
-- Another Way
"What's with the gun?"
"Pokorny was babbling about rainbows and lollipops, and I thought I should have a gun in case I needed to shoot him."
-- Another Way
"I told you she was playing you!"
"Oh, honey, women have been 'playing' your father his entire life."
-- Last Train Out
"Make him fall in love, silly."
"I am not a call girl!"
"You are whatever we need you to be."
-- Last Train Out
"Comparative religion!?"
"People need to understand where others are coming from."
"How about animal husbandry?"
"Yes, thank you, kindness toward animals promotes kindness toward humans. I'll add that to the list."
-- Lottery President
"I believe in life and all of its possibilities. Organized religion is the most destructive crowd-control device ever invented. It's the Taser for the soul. Hey, another good one!"
"What about terrorism?"
"Yes, religion is a form of terrorism."
-- Lottery President
"You've been appointed president of the United States!"
"Since when is the President of the United States an 'appointed' position?"
"Since 2000, at least."
-- Lottery President
"I hate guns, but as long as the technology exists, I intend to own and know how to use one to defend myself if necessary. And trust me, lately it's been necessary."
-- Lottery President
"I don't know who's worse, Democrats or Republicans. They're two sides of the same coin, if you ask me. I don't subscribe to the left-right dichotomy promulgated by the mainstream corporate media. It's all part of their 'divide and conquer' mentality."
-- Lottery President
"The main problem with this country is that it is run by politicians. They start out as lawyers, find that unfulfilling, and turn to politics. We need real people in positions of power, no more elites."
-- Lottery President
"Overthrowing dictators, or any government, doesn't have to be done militarily."
-- Lottery President
"Oh-oh here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll blow you up!"
-- Operation Detour
"Am I in the middle of a bad dream or something?"
-- Operation Detour
"Have you ever wondered why you were chosen for this? Have you ever asked yourself, 'Why me?'"
"No. I'm not the type. I just figured sh*t happens. Just having a run of bad luck. Funny."
-- Operation Detour
"You look different somehow. New haircut? Gain weight?"
-- Operation Detour
"I don't normally harass complete strangers, let alone pour my heart out to them. I'm probably still in shock. Not responsible for my actions, and all that."
-- Operation Detour
"My wife was walking to the store on the corner for a pack of cigarettes when a speeding truck went out of control and ran her over on the sidewalk. If not for those cigarettes she would be alive today." In reality, she was still alive. The thought of her being run over by a speeding truck always just cheered him up.
-- Temporary Insanity

The Lazy Pug Cafe -- As recently as a few months ago, the Lazy Pug Café was nothing more than a dilapidated old two-story farmhouse. Set back just forty yards from the road – closer than most out in the country – it had a beautiful old weeping willow in front and a massive ancient oak tree out back. Abandoned years ago, the old estate's only purpose lately had been to serve as a sad but charming reminder of days gone by. Locals witnessing its resurrection these past few months were grateful someone was finally bringing the "old girl" back to life.