WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES


Profiles: Amazon | Apple Books | Barnes & Noble | GoodReads | Kobo | Smashwords

A random sample of dialogue from my work (refresh the page for a new sample)

"I'm not pretending to be anyone's guru or savior. I want people to be their own savior, and I'm not here to be idolized. It's not like I'm a rapper, actor, athlete, or any one of those so clearly worthy of your worship."
-- Another Way
"What the hell is this?"
"My manifesto."
"Well, it sucks. Put in some jokes!"
-- Another Way
"We are from beyond the Pleiades, in the eighth dimension...when we're not slumming it down here in the third and fourth dimensions."
-- Another Way
"Not to brag, but my 144 IQ is well above average, not that I put much stock in IQ tests. Still, like any man with anything larger than average, I'm quite proud of that! High enough to feel good about myself. Low enough to keep me humble. Okay, maybe not so humble."
-- Another Way
"This section of the Milky Way was originally designed as a negative counterbalance to the galaxy's otherwise positive nature. A cosmic septic tank, if you will. That's why it's so hard to get anything done around here. It's like slogging through knee-deep sewer mud! Only those with the best hip-waders make any real progress."
-- Another Way
"Didn't you hear JD?! He's going to kill you!"
"Whatever he does to me, it'll be worth it."
-- Another Way
"We've been in town five minutes, and you've already got boys knocking on our door?"
-- Last Train Out
"Have you seen Jenna?!"
"She's probably just out with friends."
"I haven't seen or heard from her... since yesterday."
"Yesterday?!"
-- Last Train Out
"The main problem with this country is that it is run by politicians. They start out as lawyers, find that unfulfilling, and turn to politics. We need real people in positions of power, no more elites."
-- Lottery President
"You're not much of a politician."
"Thanks! That's my best quality."
-- Lottery President
"Do I look like a shoplifter?"
"Kinda. Yeah."
-- Operation Detour
"I'm a trusting person. I just took my doctor's word for it."
-- Operation Detour
"Too many tourists visit Malaysia then never want to leave."
"It's not that they don't want to leave. They are arrested for crimes they did not commit then thrown in prison so they can't leave."
"Your roommate is a drug-dealing gay gigolo! What did you expect?"
-- Operation Detour
"So, who are you with? CIA? NSA?"
"You think you rate a visit from one of them?"
"IRS? TSA? NBA?"
-- Operation Detour
"Your charmed life is, well, no longer charmed."
-- Operation Detour
"Oh-oh here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll blow you up!"
-- Operation Detour
"Just wondering what you've been smoking."
-- Operation Detour
"Hey, you pugs! You don't need to water me! Especially with that!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe
"Babies and pugs get along great! In some cultures, we're considered good luck!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe
"Dad must be losing it. This dog doesn't look anything like Chandler!"
-- The Lazy Pug Cafe

The Lazy Pug Cafe -- As recently as a few months ago, the Lazy Pug Café was nothing more than a dilapidated old two-story farmhouse. Set back just forty yards from the road – closer than most out in the country – it had a beautiful old weeping willow in front and a massive ancient oak tree out back. Abandoned years ago, the old estate's only purpose lately had been to serve as a sad but charming reminder of days gone by. Locals witnessing its resurrection these past few months were grateful someone was finally bringing the "old girl" back to life.